ғʟᴏᴡᴇʀs ۶ ʀᴏsᴇs

1729: you had my heart a long, long time ago

Grounds for Sculpture was a lot of fun! I enjoyed the landscaping & wildlife more than I did the art. I loved spending the day with Rich & exploring something new. There were so many little nooks & crannies to explore. I would love to go back again sometime.




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Adventures with him are always grand. The ones we’ve taken so far as fiancés have been fucking amazing! It feels so awesome calling him that. My fiancé. I still get a little teary eyed over all this. It’s real. I’m in love with the most incredible man ever.

I already started looking at wedding dresses. 🙈🙊🤫 I have a pretty good idea of what I want. I always have, even long before I decided I didn’t want to get married. I want long sleeves that taper into triangles & loop over the middle finger. That material was initially supposed to be either sheer white or ivory but now that I’m so heavily tattooed, I’m thinking that section should be something more opaque. Not sure if I want embellishments on it or not. I’m still torn on how I want the bodice to be. I would like it to be heart shaped (gay, I know!) but I’m not sure if I want it to be lace or what. I need to draw this bad boy out. It’ll probably cost a fortune for a fully handmade dress so I guess I’ll check out that plus sized dress shop I saw on tv in Manhattan. I’d like to lose about 90 lbs before we get married. I know that’s an extreme, possibly unattainable number which is why I would settle for being 175. I don’t believe losing another 25 lbs is totally unachievable but I don’t think it’s completely realistic nor do I think it would look good on me. I’m relatively tall for a female of (mostly) European descent. I looked kind of sick when I was 190. Regardless, this is extremely important & I want to give it an honest effort.

Ugh, I need to shut up. He only proposed 3 days ago. We haven’t even begun wedding planning. I’d love to be in our own house by then or close to then. I need to start hustling so we can build toward this dream. I hate our current living situation. I also hate that Emma isn’t with me. That’s a story for a different day.


ᴘᴇʀsoɴᴀʟ ۶ ʙ~ᴅᴀʏ

1727: he got a tan & i got a sunburn

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This morning Rich woke me up bright & early with birthday kisses. 🥰 We got ready & hopped in the car around 7:30 & headed to the beach. We stopped at Dunkin because I really wanted one of those strawberry dragonfruit drinks but the man behind the counter convinced me to get the new strawberry coconut milk drink which I fell in love with! It’s like the Starbucks pink drink! 💕 I’m officially addicted!

We arrived at Seaside Heights around 9ish & when we got out of the car, I wandered around while Rich was ducking around in the Jeep, which struck me really odd but I didn’t really give it much thought. We walked on the beach a bit & Rich stops, turns to me & asks “do you love me baby?” Of course I answered yes. He then asked “do you want to marry me?” Again, yes! Then, as he fumbles around in his pocket, I put my hand over my mouth, started tearing up, & said “omg, this is really happening!” 🥺 He asked “will you marry me?” 😭😭😭 Yes yes yes! Forever & then some! Yes! After staring at its beauty, I told him to put it on! It fits perfectly! It’s so beautiful! I can’t stop staring at it & smiling, tearing up every so often. I’ve never been so happy in my life. I’ve never loved someone so much. I’ve never been so enamoured with another human this way.

The rest of the day was just amazing. We got ice cream from Kohr’s, fried cheese bites from Midway, & my personal favorite: Sawmill pizza. We walked up & down the boardwalk multiple times, played some skee ball (❤️), stopped at several points on the beach. The water was so clear & beautiful!

We spent about 5 hours down the shore & I thought we were done when he popped the tops off when we got in the car. Noooope! He took me to Island Beach State Park! It was almost deserted. We were the only ones in the location we stopped at. We sat on the beach, stared at the water, & told each other how much we love each other. It was perfect. He gave me the most perfect birthday. 33 will forever be a special number in my heart. Let me shut up before I start with the tears again!

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I can’t stop staring at it! He picked the most perfect ring. This man has my heart in full. I can’t wait to be his wife. 💗



ғᴏᴏᴅ ۶ ʀᴜᴍ ɪs ғᴏʀ ᴅʀɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴜʀɴɪɴɢ

0194: anonymous

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I want everyone who comes across this journal to leave an anonymous comment. You can say whatever you want. It can be a joke, a confession, a concern .. anything!